Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
