Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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