I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
