So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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