I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
