Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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