i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
