just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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