Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
