And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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