It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
