Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Randomize
