you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Randomize
