just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
