I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
