We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
