If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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