final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
