I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
