i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
