Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
