the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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