Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
