I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
