So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
