Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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