Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
