just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I've blown a few things in my day
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
So many bounce houses so little time
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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