You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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