I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
