You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
