I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
