In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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