Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
