I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
