Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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