Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
its not stalking. its research.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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