My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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