I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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