I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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