I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
is it fun? or sober?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
