did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
