Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
should my penis look like a turkey
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
