I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
