My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
