I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
