my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
