dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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