Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
