The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
