so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
