There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
