I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
